The pain

Dear Scarlet

I have been hiding this inside my heart for so long, 15 years that is, and I just need to tell you off once and for all.

When we just began our relationship, it was a wonderful surprise. I was glad that I have family around to assure that this relationship would be mutually beneficial and that we will be thankful for each others presence in the future.

It was all nice and rosy, our gatherings were regular and nothing fancy, nothing destructive, nothing intrusive. We are just a couple of teenagers enjoying life. Once in a while, we have our disagreements, but nothing that would leave a permanent st(r)ain in our relationship.

Then, somehow, some why, a great deal of animosity grew between us.

When you appear, you always come in anger. And I am always your sandbag. I took it all without a word at first. Then, you became stronger! I wondered what you have been feeding on! Sometimes, you hit me so hard, I can’t get out of bed. I even had to swallow pain killers. Just like the most recent visit. I just wanted to crawl into the corner and die… Each time I bite my lip and persevere, because I know you will eventually lose your anger and we will be at peace again.

Sometimes, you like to play hide and seek with me. I’ve got a feeling that you might come visit but you just refuse to show. It causes much anxiety to my daily life. I would have to be prepared in case you surprise me with your visit. So I always bring supplies and avoid wearing certain clothes during those time. I do not want to be caught off guard and let everyone know your presence. You have already caused me enough anxiety and I would rather spare the rest from it.

So, all I am saying is, I do not understand your anger. Yes, I do not mind you visiting as you are almost family to me. But would you just come in peace? Not necessarily quietly, but at least try not to hit me so hard. It turns me into the most cranky person ever. And like this time round, my poor bf didn’t have a clue how he can make you go away and make me feel better.

All I am asking is for your kind understanding and be nice to me… Pretty please?

Let’s try and make the next 25 years or so more bearable for each of us. Okay?

Thank you.

Best Regards

Elaine