Too emotional or not?

Sometimes I wonder.

Am I such a ‘emotion-less’ person?

I hate to admit it but there are times when I hoped I could be a nicer person with a better temper. A better person that have the perfect knowledge on how to handle different situations.

Sometimes I am just speechless as to how to react to certain things that people tell me. Most of the time, I think I reacted wrongly. You just know it. Especially when they cut the conversation short and there is this moment of slience. Or that look in their eye indicating that they expect you to say something more or is surprised at the response.

I get that quite often.

Emotionless? Maybe it is a wrong word.

I can be very emotional. Just like what motivated me to write this.

Just by reading the blog of a certain ‘friend’.

Sometimes I wished that I would not pore over certain issues for a prolong period of time. However, my heart will always do most of the thinking for me. That’s bad isn’t it? Even the slightest reminder of an incident will have me plunged into my ‘semi-depression’ mode.

My brain is cluttered with funny thoughts, I do not know how to think or what to think. I am just sitting there – the incident replaying in my head. And me feeling reproachful for what I have done or not done. Thinking about how I could have otherwise handled the situation better and how it could have turned out otherwise.

Just like now.

Just because of one stupid blog entry I had read.

What kind of feeling is this? I cannot even find the exact word to describe it.

Whatever la.

I think I need some brain tonic. I have problems concentrating in lectures these days.

The lecturer had just talked about an important point and I began to write it down. Lecturer continues talking.

I write down 5-6 words and forget what the lecturer had just said. Tried to recall but to no avail and….. missed the next few points the lecturer was saying.

So many times, I had to turn and stared at my neighbours’ notes. After a while, I am worried that they might get irritated. So I switch on my screen saver mode. Zonk out.

What is happening to me? Be nice and send me Brands’ Chicken Essence this coming Valentines’ Day someone.

I am slipping away… …

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Just Me and My Fish.